I wish I knew what to say

This week was something else. I wound up getting an unexpected day off on Monday. On Wednesday, I had my 1 on 1 with my boss. The talk started off with “how would you like to be rewarded?” Um… by keeping my job for another week? Honestly, I feel uneasy being singled out. I spent the first year at this job being singled out because I wasn’t “friendly” enough. Recognition is not a good thing for me. I don’t deserve it, and my faults far outweigh any thing that I might have accidentally done well. But anyway.

This week I did do some spinning after work, which was incredibly helpful. I finished one bobbin and am now 1/3 of the way through the second. What will I do with 3 oz of yarn? I have no idea at the moment but would be happy to listen to suggestions. It’s shaping up to be a sportweight, my go-to yarn for when I’m stressed and want something to mindlessly spin on my wheel. No clue as to how may yards it will be, but we’ll see.

The Joy mitts are coming along. I finished one small ball of alpaca, and am moving on to the next skein. The hardest part was doing the hem, but the rest has been going smoothly. The worst thing is finding the time at the end of my day to hang out and knit or spin. Most weekdays that doesn’t happen.

My ADHD might have a little something to do with finding time for things. But that is a subject for another post and another day. Something from our vacation - an Earthship.

Everything is on Fire. A Few Things are Okay.

As I write this, it feels like the world is on fire. There is an actual fire going on in Australia, right now. Lots and lots of them. The 45th president of the United States has been impeached – a fact which everyone else on earth understands except for him – and will be the subject of a show trial in the US Senate. Sorry about the “show trial”, it’s the only way I can describe a trial when the head of one of the parties in the Senate has come right out and said that the trial will not be fair if he has anything to say about it. This country is not literally on fire, but it sure feels that way. I have lost some family members and close friends to the Cult of 45. I like them, but I love my mother and I won’t stand by and watch her be verbally abused by people that are unrecognizable to me.

There are a couple of things that are still okay. I still have my job, as of today. Which is something to be happy about, at least if you are a family member and/or creditor. BabyGoth has been accepted into 4 different schools, and we think that she’s focusing on one of them. Probably.

And I’ve started spinning regularly again. Grief and stress are both a couple of assholes. They take everything that you love and make it a chore. Not nearly the same fun hobby/source of joy you used to know. I think that things are getting better because I have found joy in spinning again. I have this
which has now become 1 1/2 bobbins worth of Blue-faced Leicester wool. Now I have to figure out what to make with it. Just as soon as I decide how I’m going to spin the Jacob fleece I bought last spring.

Spinning Under Stress

This time of year is what my company refers to as the “busy season”. It’s filled with the joy of working in retail during the winter/Xmas shopping season, except you are working in a call center where every single person that calls for help cannot wait to tell you what an awful human being you are for working where you do. Then they ask you why you don’t seem eager to help them. Truly a magical time of year.

Spinning has given me a way to keep from killing all of my coworkers during this very special time. I try to work on my wheel on the weekends at the very least. Since Giftmas I do have quite a stack of fluff to work through, which is helpful. During the week is a different story entirely.

I do take my trust Bosworth Mini to work with me, along with the finally shrinking supply of Merino/silk that I’ve been working on for some time now. Usually I spend my breaks texting DadGoth and attempting to wake my daughter up for classes. Since the beginning of the year, I also take my spindle and top with me to get some spinning time in. It’s been going all right. I have been getting in at least 15 minutes total time in every day – sometimes more. It does help with the stress; helps me to breathe more deeply, keeps me distracted. It definitely keeps me from the smoking section when it’s warm enough to go outside. Plus I can make something with it when I’m done.

I do have roughly 90% of a Low Tide cardigan completed. At this point, I’m not certain if I really want to finish this or if the yarn wants to be something else and is screaming at me to frog and start over. We’ll see once the rest of the bag of top is finally empty.

A lot of people tout knitting/crochet/embroidery/X-stitch/fiber arts in general as a good way to reduce stress. it can be, depending on the person. Spinning is my thing. It can quiet my ADHD brain, keeps me distracted when my world is coming down on my head. It has also eased my way into human interaction, sometimes welcome, sometimes not.

This whole thing, including the fact that this is the middle of a holiday weekend, is leading me into thinking about another post. That’s going to have to wait for tomorrow. I hear my wheel calling me.

What Makes Spinning Goth?

Every once in a while, this question comes up. The easiest and most obvious answer is that spinning is goth because a Goth (in this case, an eldergoth) is doing the spinning. Even something like this: 217C5F49-465E-4FAD-A200-27BC4B5F4238

In the right context, like in a weaving or say, Fair Isle on black, could be Goth. It could. I can also be an important part of protective camouflage. Like, say, if you’re working in a cube farm and want to blend in to your surroundings so as not to be noticed. That’s what I’m going with, anyway.

A lot of what makes something “Goth” is subjective, anyway. Once you are past the age where it’s not just about pissing off your parents/other adults, there are lots of different paths to take. I have always leaned toward the Romantic side of things. In a lot of ways, but certainly when I want to dress up. Lace sweaters, shawls, stockings, things like that. I occasionally think about trying my hand at knitting fishnets. Normally thinking is as far as it gets, but I have tried spinning a couple of samples to see how that would work out for a yarn to either knit or crochet.

All of this today started out as a way to distract myself from the world collapsing around us. The US government has assassinated a top Iranian official in a possible effort to start a war in the Middle East. I can’t bring myself to talk about this any more. Baby Goth and I 1472334135222were talking this afternoon while getting pizza. She asked about whether or not there was still a draft deferment for going to college. You know, just in case, Mom. Since nobody but me is reading this anyway, I think I’ll leave this in. I’ve been thinking about that ever since. About me and all the other parents of soon-to-be-nominal-adults having conversations like this tonight. I don’t have enough strength left to talk about politics today. Please to enjoy some of my favorite pictures of the places that surround us that are still here. Still reminding us that there is beauty and wonder in the world that hasn’t been destroyed by greedy old white people.

 

DSCN2722

 

1459970240557

See you tomorrow. Probably.

 

Hello Again

It’s been almost 2 years since I was here last. Happy 2020.

Lots of things have happened. Some were okay, some have been a bit of a challenge. I have worked in the same job, within the American for-profit health care business, since 2017. Almost 3 years now. I can’t say that I’m enjoying anything but the money I make at this point. There are a lot of things that I don’t like about our “health care model” in the US. I have to leave it at that for the moment. Someday, maybe, I’ll write about this. I can’t today.

Our baby girl is almost an adult. She turns 18 next month. I think I could feel my stomach churning when I wrote that out. Next year at this time, we’ll be taking her back to wherever she’s going to college. Dad Goth and I are slowly becoming used to being, once again, just the two of us. He says he’s looking forward to it. I tell him I’m looking forward to it too.

Knitting and spinning? I still do some. There are a couple of shawls that I’ve been working on. Two versions of the same one, Rookwood by Rachael Reese. The link leads to the one I just finished, at 3AM on New Year’s Day. There is another one that I’ve been working on. Dear Bob, that thing is enormous. So, so big.

I also made a couple of smaller things for myself. A pair of Piton socks by Grace Anna Farrow, which I truly had a blast making; a Ripple Bralette which I am terrified of wearing outside in public, mostly because of my own body issues; and a pair of Baby Socks by Kate Atherley. A gift for a coworker who sat behind me and was utterly adorable and goaded me into being more social at the office.

Not much else from here today. Let’s see how long this writing thing lasts, shall we? Sure. Lets. The world is crashing and burning around us. For some of us, like in the US and the UK, it’s figurative mostly, depending on who and how vulnerable you are. In Australia, it is quite horrifyingly literal. For all of my adopted state’s faults, we don’t have fireworks when our land is on fire already. I’ll just leave that there. I am so happy that we have music and literature to remind us that there is still beauty and joy in the world. At least today. Like the ending of Good Omens, “To the world”.

See you soon.

NaBloPoMo – Trying again

Hello. It’s time once again for National Blog Posting Month. I thought that I had put a couple of posts up so far, but apparently it didn’t save. So, here goes again.

I haven’t felt like writing anything for a very long time. I haven’t felt like spinning, knitting or anything else for a long time either, to be honest. I’ve been depressed about/swamped by work, the world is crumbling around all of us…things like that. For some reason, my depressive fog is starting to lift and I feel like doing more things again. Hence the starting my blog up again thing.

I have been doing some spindle spinning lately/again. Most of that has involved spinning up the giant 8 oz bag of Merino/silk blend with my drop spindle. I even have a use for all the yarn now. I am in the middle of working on a Low Tide cardigan. Specifically, I am at the beginning of Stockinette Hell. The bodice was fun – lots of lace to keep me going. Now? Well, um, it’s kind of boring. I don’t even know objectively if this pattern suits the yarn. But I’m working on it anyway.

I think the rest of the family is awake now – hooray for the end of daylight savings time! – so it’s time to finish.

Hello. Nice to See You.

Hi. It’s been a while since I’ve felt good enough to write again. Some things have happened in the space in between posts. My father died last summer. I have had the same job for almost an entire year (2 more weeks to go). Both of those things have consumed all my time and energy, especially my dad’s death.

So you know, I have tried to write about my father several times. It hasn’t gone well. Spinning, knitting, embroidery and writing have all gone by the wayside.

I’ve tentatively started knitting again. A pair of “Oh, Valencia!” socks from Custom Socks:Knit to Fit Your Feet by Kate Atherley. A Harvest cardigan that I’m spinning for as well. Plus I’m slogging through the blue/green/white Merino/silk roving that I’ve been working on for forever. It’s just the thing I need to keep from killing my coworkers. I’m probably kidding about the last part. Not the spinning part.

That’s about it for now.