This is my second time participating in the Open Adoption Bloggers interview project. This year, my interview
victimsubject is Elizabeth, who writes at Blessings in Disguise. She is a first mother of a 1-year-old in an open adoption. Here is our interview.
1. What made you decide to start blogging? What are your regular daily-ish reads?
I decided to start blogging for a number of reasons. Primarily, I wanted to document my own journey for my own eyes, because while my emotions are raw and real right now and I can remember things (such as her birth) like they were yesterday, a day may come where I can’t remember it all quite so clearly. I know those are moments and feelings I will never want to forget, so I started writing them down. On a similar note, I also want to have this blog and my previous blog available for my daughter to read one day. I won’t edit or sugarcoat any of it; it will be here if she ever wants to see how I truly felt about her, her family, and my love for them both. I want her to know whatever she wants to know – the good, the bad, the happy, and the heartbreaking, about myself and her biological father. Thirdly, I wasn’t in therapy at the time that I began my blog and I found that writing was truly cathartic to me and helped me uncover and realize so many emotions that I was trying to subconsciously bury.
My regular daily reads are all of those listed on the right-hand side of my blog, under “My Favorite Adoption Blogs.” These are all blogs written either by birth moms, birth dads, or adoptive moms and dads!
2. In one of your more recent posts, you wrote about something idiotic that a friend had said to you. (I’m struggling with the urge to put quotes around friend in that instance, but anyway.) Have there been any others? Which ones are your “favorites”? Some of us call them #jackassadoptionquotes, so you know.
Quotes definitely belong around that word! I like that, “#jackassadoptionquotes”…I may have to use that in the future (because unfortunately I’ll probably need to). That conversation was, hands down, the most unbelievable one I’ve had in the entire year since I’ve placed my daughter. The only other one involves someone who was a very close friend in high school, but she and I have since drifted very far apart. She was trying to be positive and reassuring (or that’s what I’d like to think, anyways). Without knowing anything about my daughter’s birth father, our relationship, my education or job at the time, or my living situation, she said these words to me: “based on your life, you definitely made the right decision.” I believe she meant to be kind, as I said, but I’d love to know what ‘life’ it is she was basing this statement on! It was more of a “you are incapable of raising a child, although I know nothing about you” comment to me!
3. I saw that you enjoy scrapbooking. Do you have other hobbies as well?
Oh, I LOVE scrapbooking. My mother’s always been involved in it, and I never showed much interest until I had such an amazing reason to start: remembering my daughter’s first year in words and pictures from my updates. My other hobbies include writing and photography. I took a couple of concentrated photography courses in my first semester of college, but the rest of my experience is very amateur at best. I enjoy doing it, though!
4. I know that you’re not having actual physical visits now. Do you anticipate having them in the future?
I do hope to have them in the future, yes. I don’t have any concrete idea of when, but if her family were to tell me tomorrow that I could drive up to see her, I wouldn’t say no. Her adoptive parents and I have an open discussion about this, and her mom said we can circle back to it any time either of us pleases. Her mom tells me she already talks to her about adoption, and has since the day she brought her home, so there will never be a day when she has some ‘big shocking discovery.’ I hope that she (my daughter) requests visits when she’s a bit older, and I hope her family is comfortable with it if she does. If not, I have faith that it will happen just when it is supposed to happen.
<strong5. Last question: Where do you see your relationship with Arianna and her other parents in 8 years?
In 8 years, she will be 9. I hope that my relationship with her parents is the same as it is now, if not better. We have very open communication, including email, letters directly to one anothers addresses, text messaging, phone calls, and Skype. I pray that our communication is always open and honest and increases rather than decreases. I also hope that her birth father chooses to stay involved (preferably becomes more involved).
As far as my relationship with my daughter goes…if, at that point, we are still not having in-person visits, I hope that she has a good grasp on who I am and knows that I am there for her but never would try to take the place of her mom. I hope she draws me pictures that can be sent to me, and I hope that she and I can Skype with her family (at my daughter’s own will). Simply put, I hope that the amazing relationship I have with her parents can be reflected into and expanded on in the relationship I hope to have with her.
Blessings in Disguise is a pretty great blog. Elizabeth writes well, and with honestly and humor. It was great getting to know her at least a bit. For more interviews, check out the Open Adoption Interview Project at Production Not Reproduction.